Sunday, June 16, 2013

Lesson

This carries an important message just for me to hear.


(There was no source information available for this.  If this is your work, please contact me for credit or removal.)

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Must Have Been a Nail Sale


That'll Show 'Em


NGC 5257 and NGC 5258 (Arp 240) are two interacting spiral galaxies.

I have spent every second since we last talked thinking about what the right words are.  I've boiled it down to these elemental concepts that I want to share with you:

1.      We need to lay some ground rules about playmates asap. 
2.      Either we disagree/fight reasonably or I will remove myself.  I do not do public confrontation.  This is a deal breaker boundary I need you to take seriously. 
3.      I've recently been made aware that defensiveness is a default reaction that occurs before you've had a chance to digest what’s been said.  I will remember this and try to give space for it to happen.  This is a VERY new idea to me. 
4.      I want to reiterate what I said about needing your ambition to match mine.  Your CL ad was a great step.  Keep it up!  I’m proud of you for doing that. 
5.      Don’t tell me you’re fine and good when you’re not.  This is deceptive and erodes trust in what you say.  Something important you should know about me is that trust, for me, is not a renewable resource.  Please always be truthful with me because once it’s gone I can’t get it back.  This is another deal breaker boundary I need you to take seriously. 
6.      Please figure out what is making you fall asleep.  I don’t think I can take another episode. 
7.      I love our multi-media communication.  Some or all, I don’t care, but not NONE.  I get so much from it and taking it down to nothing was like turning off the lights.  I lost you like an earring in the waves.

I want you to know I want to keep going.  The first half of my radio silence was spent with thoughts glacially moving in the other direction.  Then two friends, who don’t know each other but know me well, went to bat for you.  They gave me some new perspectives.  But more illuminating was the way they described how I was when you first showed up in my life.  They described a joyful girl, mooning about, humming to herself near flowers in vases.  How I used words like “everything I’m looking for” and “has his shit together” and “so different from the others.”

Please remember that up to this point I have had to teach first-graders.  TEACH.  I've suddenly found myself with a Masters level peer and I have to break into rubble a lot of the foundational material I've spent the last decade mortaring repetitively.

I want our passion and humor back.  I want to see you bulletproof again.  I want those strange sounds you humans call “giggles” rising from my throat.  Spontaneous and parallel, two distinct energies recognizing each other through the blackness of the ether. 

What are the chances?  I’ll take mine if you’ll have me.






Wednesday, May 8, 2013

A Serious Post About Art, Invention and Creativity

I belong to a fantastic art network online called Le Refuse.  We have a little over 100 members and growing all the time.  We are all from different disciplines but I have never found a more generous, supportive, dedicated, talented group of artists.  Occasionally, they give me warm fuzzies by exhibiting these characteristics and it makes me post little happy word farts all over our page.  This one seemed to apply in general to all of us who make something from nothing and I wanted to share it with all eight of my readers.  (For whom I am eternally grateful.) 

Awaaaaay, we go:


Today two different people posed the corporate shill job vs. creating what I love question to me about their own situations. They are both talented bright decent people who would benefit greatly, I think, from chasing their dreams. Their hesitation made me appreciate my, and your, choice to carve our own niches that much more. Whether you create a little whenever you can or you've made it your entire life, you are making room for greatness when you conquer your fear and take on the awesome responsibility that is channeling the divine.

 We look fear in the face DAILY, you guys. Sometimes we might not be sure if the next stroke/click/line/note/choice is the right one. Sometimes we doubt ourselves and overthink our work until it is muddy mush. 

BUT we wake up and try again. We make conscious choices and take note of the reactions of the world to our existence. We ask questions and are keenly aware of what our next improvements will be.These lessons can't be bought or cajoled. These lessons are what everyone tries to teach their kids.

I am so proud of us in our journeys wherever we might be in them. I encourage you to take those leaps and kick fear in the nuts. I am in awe of how strong and resilient and loving you all are. 

If you're feeling even a little down or defeated or stuck or afraid, just remember that you've inspired ME. And I can't wait to see what you create next.  



And for consistency with the rest of my posting style, here's the latest in Wedding News:

Panorama Photo of a Man That Went Horribly Right


Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Prison Flowers


Nana Weiner


You currently have all these things in your pocket right now


Mammy Cannons, FIRE!!

Mine actually have this capability.




I had no idea Tom Hardy was such a babe


Buncha Savages


I Milked My Sister's Cat

I have nipples, Greg.  Could you milk me?

Good-Crazy v. Bad-Crazy

In case you're not clear on the difference, this shit right here is BAD-CRAZY.


DO WANT: Forest bramble ceiling lamp


Octonana


Monday, April 29, 2013

When Someone Says "Calm Your Tits"


MURICA


The last one who finishes has to eat it


Barbie Girl meets Anime Girl

Yes, they are real women.  But I'm using the term loosely.


Asshole


A little guy just dinka-dinking away


"You're NEXT, missy!"


You Ain't Right


I Can't Stop Laughing






My Day Today


Just trippy, man


The Essential Rumi (translated by Coleman Barks)


When I am with you, we stay up all night.
When you're not here, I can't go to sleep.
Praise God for these two insomnias!
And the difference between them.
The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.
We are the mirror as well as the face in it.
We are tasting the taste this minute
of eternity. We are pain
and what cures pain, both. We are
the sweet cold water and the jar that pours.
I want to hold you close like a lute, so we can cry out with loving.
You would rather throw stones at a mirror?
I am your mirror, and here are the stones.

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer


It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your hearts longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking a fool for love,
for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are square in your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed down from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving, to hide it, fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true yourself;
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your life on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the moon in God’s presence.
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know, or how you came here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in empty moments.


Friday, April 26, 2013

Jazzing Up Your Morning Coffee Certainly Jazzed Up Mine


You once posted a photo of your new lip ring.

Some days it's the only thing that gets me through.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Reasons Why You Can


I have absolute confidence in you.

There is no doubt in my mind that you will overcome this too.  You are courageous and strong and deserve nothing but the finest.  Your words are brilliant and will pave the way to the new horizon you've been aiming at for years. 

This storm will not swallow you because I am your lighthouse.

But I am also your siren.  Listen to my song.  I will sing to you about written dreams and treble clefs and corporate slumber and your soul’s purpose and carpe diem.   There is only one life.  Time is short.  Do it now.  What are you waiting for?

It is scary to be your own net.  I know that fear.  I know it daily and it has carved me from obsidian.  It is nothing you can’t handle.

You have all the tools you need.  You have me in your corner.  You have the love and support of your village.  You have the skill, talent and experience.  You have the confidence to pull it off.  Maybe not today but I’ll be sure for the both of us for a little while until you can join me.

I believe in you.  Make it happen and tell me how to help.

Monday, April 22, 2013

I Always Do What My Horoscope Tells Me To Do


My birthday is on October 24th which makes me a Scorpio.  This is my horoscope for today:


Be honest about your feelings for someone who you have been seeing a lot of lately.  If you can be bold, you might be pleasantly surprised.



Welp.

Can't get much more to the point than that.

*deep breath*

Okay, here goes.



                                     We           fit together.
                                        Every         curve and 
                                              line         seems to match
                                                  up         like we ought to be taking notice
                                 that something      has taken notice of
                                                us.      Like magnets
                                     we find       ourselves
                   pleasantly stuck.          Entwined,
                        we are an          octopus or seven.  So
                          many arms        reaching out for warm coffee mug skin.
                                Levels of        speaking and 
                                     listening,       singing and dancing, reading
                                         line after       line after line after line...
                                                   But      especially the line in the
                                              corner     of your mouth
                                              that       I watch
                                             from      the corner
                                                   of      my 
                                                              eye.


I have made so many mistakes in the past.  I regret not a one as they've made me who I am.  But I care not to repeat them.  I have learned so much about me from these mistakes… especially the painful ones.  I've had mirrors held up to parts of myself I didn't want to see.  I've been faced with the ugly parts of myself that don’t play well with others. 


The honest truth about fearless me: There is a part of me that is always afraid. 

I could spend thousands of dollars on therapy to get to the bottom of exactly why (and I have, actually) but the important concept to grasp is that I am a hopeless romantic who is afraid to give myself over to the love I crave for fear of losing everything in the process to someone not worthy.

The short-form objective: To find a satisfying connection with another person where I feel safe enough to return the love is the ultimate goal. 

I am a die-hard believer in the idea that a relationship is 50/50.  Meet me halfway.  Admit your responsibility for the good and bad.  Let’s manage our quirks together.

If I am 50% responsible for what happens in a relationship, then every bad relationship I’ve been in must have had something to do with my choices and actions.

Examining my involvement in the growth and demise of my past relationships, I find the missteps I made in the parts I played:

·        I am exceedingly hypercritical of myself.  As an artist and a mother, I want everything to be just right.  In the past, I did not set any kind of boundary to avoid making these all-or-nothing, sometimes-irrational criticisms and judgments of my significant other.  This led to him feeling like I expected perfection from him and anything less would not be tolerated…which was true although I stubbornly never admitted it to any of them.

o   Lesson learned:  Allow him his imperfect path as others allow you yours.  He must reach his destinations under his own sail.
o   How I plan to implement this:  Think about your appreciation and gratitude to be with a man who desires to improve and enrich himself as much as you do.  Encourage him to keep truckin’ and treat him with the same compassion as you do your son when he is learning how to Life.  Admire him for his effort and tell him so often.
o   Why this time it’s different:  He is soft-hearted and free-spirited.  He will not take hypercritical judgments as the “tough love” you intend and you will hurt him if you tryAnd you know that encouragement and support will garner you more of what you want than reproach and clucking will. 

·         In groups, I am often the one who comes up with the best win/win solution for whatever problem the group is working on.  I’ve been spoiled by this because then I start to think my way is the best way.  I never made allowances for someone else’s different way to be just as good as my way.

o   Lesson learned:  I can’t be in charge of everything.  Pick your battles and let others try their hand at getting an optimal outcome. 
o   How I plan to implement this:  Keep your mouth shut sometimes.  You don’t have to offer “suggestions” every time.  He has surprised you so much already.  Let him work it out and bring home the mammoth kill of a solution.  And if it isn't how you’d do it, look at his process for how to improve your own or for clues as to what is important to him.
o   Why this time it’s different:  He loves feeling like your knight.  Let him.  He wants to do right by you.  Let him.  He wants to show you how great he can be.  LET HIM.

·         No one can read my mind.  I have to say what I want, how I want something done, and when.  Logical paths to solutions seem clear to me and I project that they should also be clear to others even though sometimes they aren't   In the past, I would hold the expectation that my significant other should flow in the same current with me and therefore should just know what I want.  When I discover he doesn’t "just know," I felt he must not care...which is kind of a psycho way to think.

o   Lesson learned:  Speak up, woman.  Be realistic.  He’s a human and may not be as intuitive or read-between-the-lines like you are.
o   How I plan to implement this:  Clear communication and lower your expectations on his ESP abilities.  Think about how you would like to be approached (clear instructions, deadlines, information, etc.) and give him the same.
o   Why this time it’s different:  He has had about enough with psycho chicks.  There’s good-crazy and bad-crazy and this is definitely bad-crazy.  He needs a woman who will work with him, not from somewhere above him.

·         I expect.  I EXPECT.  You should, he should, they should, we should.  Rules, rules, parameters, project results, best possible outcome.  Regardless of the individuality of the person I’m with, I entered the relationship with a thousand expectations pulled from everywhere but what he showed me.  I lit the whole thing on fire when I allowed myself to think less of him for not meeting my arbitrary relationship rules. 

o   Lesson learned:  No one will mold to your idea of them.  He is who he is.  You are who you are.  Either you figure out a way to make it work together or you go your separate ways.  You cannot build a relationship on potentialities.
o   How I plan to implement this:  Listen to his words.  Watch his nonverbal cues.  Look to him for the signposts about what his rules are.  Let him teach me about what I should expect from him and then I can decide if that suits me.
o   Why this time it’s different:  He is learning how to set boundaries.  I am learning how to respect them.  This is an excellent starting point for both of us as we learn these very important skills.

·         I only want to be understood.  We all do.  To have one person know me maybe better than I know myself.  To put in the time it takes to learn me…well, that must mean he cares about me strongly enough to not let bad things happen to me.  I have been under the impression that the point of a relationship is to find someone you want to learn more about and then spend your time understanding exactly every gear that makes them tick…and vice versa.  The problem is no one, not even me, is predictable to the degree I want and when he veers from the path, my world goes into a chaotic tailspin and I blame him directly for the upset.  This is also extremely psycho.

o   Lesson learned:  Anomalies, variations, and spontaneity are the things you love about life.  Ironing them into a smooth white sheet might make you feel like you can see for miles but it doesn't ring your bell and you know it.  Let waves happen.  Rolling with the punches is a more important skill than ruling with an iron fist anyway.
o   How I plan to implement this:   Look for opportunities to create spontaneity and unpredictability in situations where the consequences are not dire.  Practice being fluid when it doesn't matter so that when it does, you can make it through.
o   Why this time it’s different:  Because adventure is out there and he agrees and wants us to do it together.  This is exactly what you want.  Why shit on that?

Wow.  It is not easy to make all those admissions in one place.  But as someone who hates admitting when she is wrong I hope putting it down in black and white helps me grow.  

But…

…after I get out of my head and move away from that little box of fear way way down, I can see past the horizon with you.  Your bold initiative and confident words thrill me in a way I've never felt before.  I never know what to expect with you.  You make me feel like the queen I always knew I was.  I feel excited about what the world holds for us now that we formed this alliance.


Life is hard and gets in the way sometimes.  We take our lumps, hopefully learn a thing or two, and move on toward greener pastures.  I think we've earned each other.  I think you are the Universe’s “Sorry I Was Such A Dick” Hallmark card to me.  

I think we are meant to teach each other that things don't always have to be how things have always been.

I feel like I’m finally with someone who gets it.