Monday, March 28, 2011

How Does The Universe Work?

I know it’s been awhile since I posted. My life has been traveling at light speed. I find myself questioning the Universe and my relationship with it.


I had a conversation with B (my boyfriend) last night that triggered some very deep questions in myself.

All my life, I have felt that there has been a blueprint for my life. I can make any choice I want, even ones that don’t follow the blueprint. If I choose against the blueprint, I can expect hardship and trouble and only a percentage of a chance of success. If I choose to follow the blueprint, I can expect easier times or at least, to not be hit as hard.


If all this seems very esoteric, it is. I’m sorry if its hard to follow but I just need to get this out. If I still need to explain anything by the end of reading this, please let me know in the comments.


Anyway, I have approached what I call my Universe Theory in a scientific manner ever since I became aware that not all of everything is random. I can’t prove how I know that synchronicity and fated events exist but I believe they do. The scientific method is how I have tested my Universe Theory.

1. Live life for awhile.
2. Make choices that benefit me, increase my happiness.
3. Sit back and wait to see what the Universe brings me.
4. RESULT: I get hit hard, over and over and over again, with trouble and hardship. Almost as though I am being punished.

OR

1. Live life for awhile (or recover from the last round of Christina-cum-Cosmic-Punching-Bag)
2. Make choices that don’t necessarily increase my happiness, but that do seem more in line with whatever blueprint the Universe has in store for me. (i.e. Doing what makes me happy vs. Doing what I’m supposed to be doing)
3. Sit back and wait to see what the Universe brings me.
4. RESULT: I get hit less hard, or am afforded the "coincidences" that seem like "gifts from God" that end up saving my ass. Almost as though I am being patted on the head with "help" as a reward for doing what the Universe wants me to.


Its kind of like Joan of Arc. Being a nun made her happy. But that wasn’t what she was supposed to do. She had to be a warrior (and go crazy listening to the voice of God and angels in her head).


If I want X because it will make me happy, but the Universe keeps throwing choices at me in which choosing X will ultimately cause me so much hardship and strife that just out of sheer say-uncle I choose Y because that is what will stop the cosmic kicks to the ribs.


So the conversation I had with B last night went like this:
C: I want X because it will make me really really happy. But 1, 2 and 3 happened recently that make me think the Universe doesn’t want me to choose X, and instead choose Y. I will not choose Y because that’s not what I want, but now I have to be prepared to be hit hard for choosing X. And I’m scared of that.

B: I also want X because it will make me really really happy. But now that I know that you believe you will experience bad things for choosing X, it makes me want to help spare you that pain and not make X happen. And that makes me sad.

C: X is going to happen. Have no fear. But I want to warn you, as my partner, that you may be taking on a big liability in me if you choose to remain.

B: I choose to remain. But explain to me why the Universe doesn’t want you to be happy?

C: Because what if the Universe threw 1, 2 and 3 at me as a way to warn me: Don’t go through with X because then you will get more (and worse) of 1, 2 and 3.

B: Go on.

C: Or what if the Universe threw 1, 2 and 3 at me as a way to teach me: Here is some practice for what X will be like if you choose it, so that you are better prepared for the inevitable 1, 2 and 3.

B: May I suggest a third option?

C: Please.

B: What if the Universe as you know it is a construct (obstacle) that your fear has built? That this thing that you think is the Universe is really just a succubus controlling your life? What if the actual Universe is nothing but love and light and contains all the freedom for you to find your happiness (and this actual Universe has been trying to get through to you this whole time)? What if the actual Universe put ME in your path to show you that if you face this obstacle-fear-constructed-Universe-falsity with love in your corner, that you might break through and experience freedom from this controlling thought pattern that prevents you from experiencing true happiness? What if I am the messenger you didn’t know you were seeking? What if I am the instrument that can teach you to cope?

C; Huh. I never thought about it like that. And boy howdy, does that ring with truth....
My jury is still out on how this is all going to play out but I have to say B may be onto something. And I will be watching for the signs. Fingers crossed.