Friday, January 14, 2011

HARD CARDS- We say what you can't.

Hallmark doesn't know how you feel.

We do.

Hard Cards are for those times when you need to get a message across that may be difficult to do verbally. Maybe you have a fear of confrontation. Maybe you're afraid you might kill someone if you have to say the words aloud. Maybe you have a friend who just needs an anonymous hint. Maybe you want to frame it and put it next to your mirror as a self-reminder.

Whatever the reason, these cards say what you can't.

All the cards are original works of art.  That means you are not getting a Xerox copy but an actual piece of my artist soul, channeled through my hand and out my pen into your very mail box.  Each card is lovingly, snarkily crafted and measures approximately 6" x 6".  They are hand-drawn using black permanent waterproof and fadeproof ink on 140 lb. acid-free, cold press, archival-quality watercolor paper.  This is fancy-pants stuff, folks!  Each card is shipped protected in the embrace of a sealed plastic sleeve.

Take a look at the following Hard Cards just posted in my Etsy shop:

"I Regret Giving You My Number" is just right for when you've only been on a date or two. Maybe they didn't look like their picture. Maybe they are really nice but just not your cup of tea. Maybe you heard they might have crabs. Whatever the reason, this card is perfect for breaking up with someone you don't know that well.

"Sorry My Standards Are So High" is for when you get into a fight about someone being a lazy, no-good layabout with neither drive nor ambition. You just want them to pick up their socks, help with the kids, aim for a promotion. Just look at your life now. You are SO much better off than you were five years ago. This card is the ultimate apology.

"Would a Phone Call Kill You?" is the quintessential card for mothers, deployed military and students away at school. Haven't heard from someone in a while? Wondering if they are lying dead in a ditch somewhere? Send them this card and find out for sure.

"You Turned Out Just Like Your Father" could be a good thing or bad thing. Depends on their father. This is a perfect card for wives, mothers and kids. Use caution - be sure you know exactly how they feel about their father so as to make your point with precision.

"You Are A D---" says it all. Short. Sweet. To the point. The recipient must be dense as hell to not get this powerful message. However, many d***s are in fact that dense. Be prepared for quizzical looks, head/butt scratching or "Huh?" And then maybe flying objects once they understand.

"Your Kids Miss You" is a sweet message tinged in guilt. Deadbeat dad? Cheating spouse? Workaholic? Or just a plain old message to your parents? All of the above!

"You're Just Mad Because I'm Smarter Than You" is a message with a wide range of purposes. That dumb bully who picks on you in class. That boyfriend with an ego who can't spell to save his life. Your big-mouthed politico of a sister. Everyone is smarter than someone. Send them this card.
Won't you order one today? 
You're beautiful/handsome, talented and oh-so-kind and generous.  (Did the flattery help?)